


Realities

by BlackSwanna



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Timelines, Gaslighting, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Kingdom Hearts III Spoilers, Panic Attacks, Post-Kingdom Hearts III, self-gaslighting, um i might need to tag more later i cant even remember my own fic omg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-07
Updated: 2019-05-07
Packaged: 2020-02-28 04:44:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18749260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackSwanna/pseuds/BlackSwanna
Summary: At this point, he was amazed it took him so long to realize it; but he supposed it was the little things that escaped his grasp and went right through him. To realize this isn’t where you belong—the timeline you live in isn’t yours and the people you did grow up with and loved in your own timeline… really… were… dead.And the grief struck him like a lightning bolt.





	Realities

It was the little things that really made him feel off. Disconnected. Things he never really caught in the heat of battle, not until after he brought Kairi home and finally fell into some resemblance of a routine on the islands.

At first, he thought some things were weird just to him—that maybe everyone else was acting off because of the things they had faced. Maybe his memories were messed up. After all, it wouldn’t be the first time.

One day, Kairi had pushed her bangs behind her ears, and he caught himself staring. He thought it was odd that Kairi had earrings on—he didn’t know her ears were pierced. He asked her when she had her ears pierced, but she looked at him strangely and told him, “Like five years ago, Sora. Don’t you remember? You were there with me, holding my hand when they popped the earlobes?”

Sora found himself at a loss for words, utterly confused and speechless.  _ No _ , he wanted to reply,  _ I don’t remember that—in fact, I distinctly remember you saying one time that you would  _ never _ get your ears pierced, that you didn’t like ‘bending to society,’ and it was funny when you said that, because you almost fell off the table when you did.  _ But he bit his tongue and simply laughed, saying, “Oh, duh! Brain fart!”

They laughed it off and Sora swiftly changed the subject.

The next strange thing he caught was the fact that apparently Riku didn’t live two doors down, he lived  _ three _ doors down the street  _ and on the other side of the road _ . Sora was almost too afraid to even bring this up—what sort of friend of sixteen-seventeen years forgets where his best friend lived? He tossed it around in his head, wondering  _ did his family move when I was asleep? Did he just forget to tell me? _

He decided to leave it be, thinking it more rational that  _ of course he wouldn’t have told you, maybe he didn’t even realize until before we got the King’s letter after dealing with the Organization the first time. _ It made sense—so he left it be, even though it planted a seed of paranoia in his head. What else has he been missing?

He started paying more attention to things. Eyes that were usually so casual and lame at noticing the obvious honed sharply into those of an eagle, catching things he  _ knew _ wasn’t there before and what he  _ felt _ wasn’t there before but was unsure for certain.

Kairi wore three bracelets on one hand, but only one thin bracelet on the other. Riku had apparently started painting his nails when Sora knew Riku hated nail paint because of how it smelled—Sora knew Riku was sensitive to scents, it was why Kairi and Sora never used perfume of any kind around him too. Sora’s mom had started using her left hand instead of her right, and she had a red tint in her hair, making her hair color seem russet instead of plain light brown, and he knew it wasn’t hair dye. She didn’t own hair dye.

The furniture in Kairi’s house was covered in plastic protectors like an old person’s house. Riku’s single bunk bed was now a normal twin bed and he claimed that he hadn’t touched his room in years. 

These were all so small, such small, insignificant details that Sora doubted anyone would ever catch if they weren’t him and riddled with paranoia and an itching feeling that  _ this wasn’t right _ , but they caught his eye and the simple itching graduated to a burning.

He was ready to let this all go, really he was—then the oddest thing struck him when he had passed by a picture frame in the hallway leading up to his room. A picture he had always passed by without a thought, but today he was very deep in thought, pondering over what all these inconsistencies meant for him, yet he paused and glanced to his left, where he knew a picture of his small family, just the three of them all together in their backyard, should have hung—and there it did, but there was a fourth member. A dog. 

Sora’s never owned a dog. 

And why was there a lemon tree in the back? They had an  _ orange _ tree.

Suddenly distressed, the brunet took off running to their backyard—a place he hasn’t stepped foot in since they got back and he dimly wondered why. And sure enough—there stood the lemon tree, green shapes still growing in on the branches, waiting to ripen for their season. Sora felt his throat dry up, and he left for his room.

What did this mean? Was he going nuts? Did Naminé not fix all of his memories? He’s never had  _ these _ sort of problems before.

Despite himself, he never brought these anxieties up to anyone—he didn’t want them to worry, so he pretended none of these things bothered him, but he knew that his friends were beginning to grow suspicious of his behavior. When his eyes lingered a bit too long on something, when he would brush his own behavior off after being questioned if he was okay, when he would start muttering to himself over strange things.

Sora racked his brain for the reason—the irritating burns that scattered across his mind in ways that screamed  **_WRONG_ ** were searing like blazes until he quelled it with the thought of,  _ I must be overthinking this. Maybe I’m just tired. _

Finally the day of the beach party arrived and Sora thought it’d be best to shove the puzzle of his life down into a deep hole so they could all just  _ enjoy themselves _ without any worry. The war was over, the worlds were in peace, Xehanort was gone, and everyone was safe and  _ here. _ Plus, it would be the first time that everyone was together since they had all chosen to rest at Radiant Gardens. Sora was excited to see Roxas and Ven.

Honestly, it was such a delight to learn Isa had reformed and he and Lea had rekindled their friendship, though Roxas told him it was a work in progress for Isa, himself, and Xion. But some progress was better than no progress, Sora told him. Roxas smiled at that before Sora shoved him, yelling, “Tag, you’re it!” and booking it across the beach with Roxas chasing his tail, their laughter echoing in the air.

Sora thought he was getting some good traction, placing  _ miles _ between himself and his former Nobody, but apparently not since the dirty blond gave a  _ roar _ then  _ body slammed _ the brunet to the ground in a blast of sand. 

“Gross, I got sand in my mouth!” 

“Good, eat it!”

Sora turned his head spat wet sand out at Roxas’ face, the blond grimacing and shrinking back in disgust before they both dissolved into another fit of laughter, Roxas flopping onto his back next to him in the sand, arms spread out.

They calmed down before turning their heads to look at each other, eyes meeting—and Sora stalled, smile faltering and he turning over on his elbows. What?

Roxas gave him an odd look, pushing himself onto his own elbows.

“What, is there something on my face?”

Sora felt his mouth dry, words escaping him and all he could do was sit himself up and stare dumbly. He thought Roxas’ eyes were blue. Just plain blue, like his. Weren’t they? Right now, he could see blue and green—almost half-and-half with each color. 

Roxas sat up too, and he could see his expression grow worrisome. “Sora? You okay?”

“I…” 

“Sora, Roxas! Catch!” They turned their heads, seeing Ven running while a frisbee flew overhead toward them both. Roxas scrambled up to catch the wild disk, while Sora continued to gawk, eyes growing bewildered with each second. Since—when did Ven have green eyes?

Sora felt like throwing up. What was happening?

Ven slowed down when he grew closer, smile fading when he saw Sora’s pale face as he clambered to his feet lamely. “Hey, Sora, you feeling okay? You look a little sick…” 

“I’m- I,” Sora put his hand to his head, suddenly feeling faint. He couldn’t understand—he  _ knew _ Ven had blue eyes. That’s what his heart was telling him—and even if Sora hadn’t known Ven personally his whole life, his heart did, and his heart was telling him  _ this is Ven, but this isn’t  _ my _ Ven. _

He faltered at that, breath catching and he took a few steps back, hands lowering together at his chest, unsure of what to do, what to make of it. 

The real Ven, but not  _ his _ Ven? There were multiple Vens? Multiple Roxases? What about Rikus and Kairis? What about him?

“Um, I need to use the bathroom. I’ll— yeah.” Without letting them talk back, the brunet took off toward the public restrooms at the Main Island beach where they were all playing on. He slammed the door closed and rushed to the mirrors, pressing in to see his eyes.  _ Blue, blue, blue, blue— _

Blue and a green ring around the inside. 

How could he miss this? 

His hand pressed against his face as he stumbled away. 

This. 

This wasn’t his body.

This wasn’t his island—his friends, his world, his—

But what had happened? When did this happen? Why?

He tugged at his memory, pulled at strings, tried so hard to remember, and his heart gave him the moment—when Ven and Lea were slashed and shoved to the side by Terra, knocked out or killed—Donald had fallen after blasting him, Kairi and everyone were swept away by the heartless horde, and Riku was overcome, then himself.

He remembered the moment he had died, the moment he lost his heart then woke up in the Final World, with Chirithy. 

Ah.

Reset time—jumped time. Not his time.

Not his time.

Then that would mean—

Hands clenched in his hair, eyes growing wide with tears building up and spilling out, heart swelling and bursting and breaking—

His Kairi, his Riku, his Donald and Goofy, and Roxas and Xion and Naminé and—

All gone… dead in their own timeline,  _ his _ own timeline, and he never even knew—never realized.

The grief struck him like a lightning strike, and a loud wail of despair tore from his throat, throwing him down to his hands and knees, pushing him further into the grave where he belonged, and when the door to the bathroom was finally kicked open, Riku and Roxas and Ven and Kairi and everyone else at his heels, Sora was crumpled to the ground on his side. Eyes were blown wide on his face, gasping like a fish out of water with a torrent of tears cascading down his cheeks absent of freckles  _ he knew he had. _

No matter what they tried, how they spoke, begging to be heard, nothing reached his ears until nothing reached his eyes either, and he fell asleep right there, knowing there couldn’t be anything done to take back the damage inflicted on his heart and on the lives of his friends he had tried to save before.

**Author's Note:**

> tbh idk if i wanna continue it later but anyone can continue for urself, but if u do....link me, i wanna r e a d


End file.
